busy, busy, busy....

so....for starters...why do we go for the bad boys...that WE KNOW aren't good for us...that WE KNOW are gonna hurt us in the end...yet even tho we KNOW these things...we still allow ourselves to hang out and be friends and possibly more? it still gets me.
I'm going through that at the moment with a 'friend' well, I guess it's more, but at the same time...I know that it will never lead to anything healthy or good. or will it...can ppl really change? see, so I went to the lake for 4th of july then headed to Killeen for 4th of July. that saturday I went out to a bar/club to have a couple drinks. it's right down the road like maybe 3 mintues. so...bc I have a broken foot I am just ppl watching(one of my favorite things to do), and hanging out by myself ...which I'm very okay to do. some ppl can't do it but doesn't bother me. so as i'm hanging....cute army guy comes and visits...and we end up hanging out all night. well before I head back home on sunday he calls and I go visit him. he's super cute. super sweet. and just makes me laugh. but yet in the back of my mind...i'm thinking...he's the player type. slowly but surely he has showed me that he is/or can be that guy...just certain things seem shady to me...yet I continue to talk to him and see him and hang out. is this bc I think he can change...or is bc I know his ways and I think I'm gonna out play him. that I'm gonna be better at his game...that I'm hoping that I get him to fall for me...and then I break him? is that bad...is that devilish to think that way? I know it is...but in the same sport...do they not do these things to us.
anywhooo....we'll see what happens!!

this past weekend I was in my best friend laura's wedding. it was a great time. she was so beautiful. and nathan was so happy. it was truly a great experience and I'm so thankful that I got to be a part of such a wonderful day!

this weekend I have a bachelorette party for my gf stefany. we are going to do manis and pedis in the morning...lunch and drinks cake and gifts, then we're heading out to rj's and gonna meet up with the guys and bbq, play some drinking games(beer pong), throw some washers, shoot some skeet. just really looking forward to it. and also my gf macey is coming home from germany sunday. can't wait to see her.

so with this bach party, I have to get the cake...she wants corset top cake...I have no clue where I'm suppose to find this...so it's off to the internet to do some searching.

more than friends?

I hung out with my one of bestest friends last night. he means the world to me, and he will always come first. I seek his companionship, friendship, love, trust...always. I know that in a heart beat he would drop whatever for me. and he knows that it's the same with me. last night over dinner we were discussing love and relationships and we wondered back to his LOVE. his ex. but his ONE. the mother to his child. and we came to the topic of can you ever just be friends? with your true love, or even with someone that you had such strong feelings for?

my personal opinion on this is, well I don't really know what it is. I guess for each person it differs. I know that I am having this problem right now. I've been out of a relationship for a little over a month now, and I've had my share of serious relationships, 3 years, to over a year, to 6 months....but this one, this one was different, this is the one guy that I fell IN love with. so we've done the occasional hook up, talk on the phone, etc, but it's left me in that constant wonder. so Saturday I did the final goodbye. I told him that I was ending all contact with him. that in order for me to get through this...I had to let HIM go, I had to let US go. BUT...here's my major dilemma. not only did I fall in love with him, I fell in love with his family too. I still talk to his mom on a pretty regular basis, and his sister as well. I know that I can separate me from him, but I don't know if it is possible for me to separate myself from his FAMILY. so...what does that mean? does that mean that I'm still holding on to something, or does it mean that I formed and found a new relationship, just one with the family and NOT him. does this mean he will always be in my life, do I want that, is that why I can't break loose from the bond that I've made.?

new to the game.

so, I was chatting with a girlfriend this morning and she suggested I get a blog page. since I usually 'BLOG' to her on yahooIM. she's 'MY DIARY'. so she gave me her page address so I could check into it. once here I realized that another girlfriend blogs here as well, and tho she doesn't use her's as a 'diary' she does use it to keep her friends in the loop. I was told this is going to be very therapeutic for me. I am being super open minded about this, so we'll see. :)